Wednesday, December 11, 2002
Thursday, November 14, 2002
Thursday, November 07, 2002
Friday, November 01, 2002
Well its another Friday afternoon and here you are. I can announce that I have this week acquired two new blogspot assistants (or "bitches" as we like to call them in prison) to help me trawl the web for the bits that sink to the bottom. Introducing Ash and Nick. One dresses up as a fireman for work and the other dresses up as a fireman in the privacy of his own home.
Happy Friday
Happy Friday
This is a brilliant site full of research about those stories and emails you get sent on a regular basis. Truth or Fiction.com
Is there any truth to the rumour there are guns out there that look like mobile phones?
Yep.
Is there any truth to the rumour that people are ringing you on your mobile and asking you to dial '90#' so they can rip you off? Load of bollocks!
Is there any truth to the rumour there are guns out there that look like mobile phones?
Yep.
Is there any truth to the rumour that people are ringing you on your mobile and asking you to dial '90#' so they can rip you off? Load of bollocks!
This just in from "WeirdNewsOnline.com"
Assassin Mistakenly Honored At Martin Luther King Celebration
The town of Lauderhill, Florida is very upset after a plaque intended to honor James Earl Jones instead honored the wrong man. The plaque was to be displayed at a celebration of Martin Luther King Jr.'s life, but instead of honoring Jones, the plaque read, "Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive." James Earl Ray was the man who assassinated King in 1968. A Merit Industries spokesman Herbert Miller, said that it was caused by an unintentional error, "We in no way meant any disrespect. It was an honest error."
Assassin Mistakenly Honored At Martin Luther King Celebration
The town of Lauderhill, Florida is very upset after a plaque intended to honor James Earl Jones instead honored the wrong man. The plaque was to be displayed at a celebration of Martin Luther King Jr.'s life, but instead of honoring Jones, the plaque read, "Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive." James Earl Ray was the man who assassinated King in 1968. A Merit Industries spokesman Herbert Miller, said that it was caused by an unintentional error, "We in no way meant any disrespect. It was an honest error."
http://www.nodoze.net A website that tells people how to do everything they shouldn't. I am sure you could find Osama and Timothy McVeigh in the guestbook somewhere.
Matchstick Rockets!! Why didn't they have these things when I was a kid?
Cheap fireworks!! Launch them indoors! Don't worry about the weather on guy fawks night!!
Cheap fireworks!! Launch them indoors! Don't worry about the weather on guy fawks night!!
Thursday, October 31, 2002
Sick Puppy Website
A familiar theme, but a popular one "Weirdos and their dogs"
If I wouldn't have said to Tom, "I really like your bitch and should you decide to breed Alice, keep me in mind for a show puppy," I know I wouldn't have this wonderful "hunk" of a dog that I have today. Sonny is the "apple of my eye" and I would be lost without him.
Ode to a dog
We then went to the vet and I held my dear friend as he drifted off to sleep as he now was going back to God who had given me this special little dog to care for while on this earth.... I truly believe he was my soul mate. Sam would sit with me while I was on the computer and I would hold him, kiss him, hug him and.... he would stare at me as if to say he understood. To God I say, "Thank you for allowing me to care for Sam while he was on this earth."
You will find a sick bag in the pocket of the seat in front of you
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
There you go "nuff said"
Credit to Ash Rathod for finding this masterpiece
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
Simply the game of the year
There you go "nuff said"
Credit to Ash Rathod for finding this masterpiece
Friday, October 25, 2002
This weeks selection is brought ot you by 'The Children of the NRA'
To those members of the NRA who receive this email, this ones for you (and the Washington sniper) and your 'constitutional' right to shoot people (oops! I mean bear arms)
Who said this website isn't trying to do its bit to bring the world together? Here's just one example of how the internet is reaching across those boundaries of humankind and breaking the chains of discimination. Please visit Sally and Johnny's www.blackpeopleloveus.com website and share in that warm squishy feeling...
Rabbit breeding game This is an excellent game.
The aim is to breed eight rabbits.
The Rules: Use your mouse to 'get them together'. Watch out for meteors, Don't mate male to male, Keep them away from the electric fence, simple really. Big clue, the males like to smoke and the females like to do their makeup (before you complain about the sex stereotyping - I didn't write this game!)
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
Various Uses of Placenta
Enjoy your lunch. Chances are if you're wearing makeup, then you're wearing some on your face already...
Cut the meat away from the membranes with a sharp knife. Discard the membranes.
Placenta Cocktail: 1/4 cup raw placenta, 8oz V-8 juice, 2 ice cubes, 1/2 cup carrot. Blend at high speed for 10 seconds
Placenta Lasagne: Use your favorite lasagne recipe and substitute this mixture for one layer of cheese. In 2 tbl. olive oil, quickly saute meat of 3/4 placenta, ground or minced plus 2 sliced cloves of garlic, 1/2 tsp. oregano, 1/2 diced onion & 2 tbl. tomato paste, or 1 whole tomato.
Placenta Spaghetti: Cut meat of 3/4 placenta into bite size pieces, then brown quickly in 1 tbl. butter plus 1 tbl. oil. Then add 1 large can tomato puree, 2 cans crushed pear tomatoes, 1 onion, 2 cloves of garlic, 1 tbl. molasses, 1 bay leaf, 1 tbl. rosemary, 1 tsp. ea. of salt, honey, oregano, basil, and fennel. Simmer 1 1/2 hours.
Placenta Stew: Meat of 3/4 placenta in bite size chunks, 1 potato (cubed), 1/4 cup fresh parsley, 2 carrots, 3 ribs celery, 1 zucchini, 1 large tomato, 1 small onion. Dredge meat in 1 tbl. flour mixed with 1 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp. paprika, pinch of cloves, pinch of pepper, 6-8 crushed coriander seeds. Saute meat in 2 tbl. oil, then add vegetables (cut up) and 4-5 cups of water. Bring to full boil, then simmer for 1 hour.
Placenta Pizza: Grind placenta. Saute in 2 tbl. olive oil with 4 garlic cloves, then add 1/4 tsp fennel, 1/4 tsp. pepper, 1/4 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp. salt, 1/2 tsp. oregano, 1/4 tsp. thyme, and 1/4 cup of wine. Allow to stand for 30 minutes, then use with your favorite home made pizza recipe. It's a fine placenta sausage topping.
Enjoy your lunch. Chances are if you're wearing makeup, then you're wearing some on your face already...
Cut the meat away from the membranes with a sharp knife. Discard the membranes.
Placenta Cocktail: 1/4 cup raw placenta, 8oz V-8 juice, 2 ice cubes, 1/2 cup carrot. Blend at high speed for 10 seconds
Placenta Lasagne: Use your favorite lasagne recipe and substitute this mixture for one layer of cheese. In 2 tbl. olive oil, quickly saute meat of 3/4 placenta, ground or minced plus 2 sliced cloves of garlic, 1/2 tsp. oregano, 1/2 diced onion & 2 tbl. tomato paste, or 1 whole tomato.
Placenta Spaghetti: Cut meat of 3/4 placenta into bite size pieces, then brown quickly in 1 tbl. butter plus 1 tbl. oil. Then add 1 large can tomato puree, 2 cans crushed pear tomatoes, 1 onion, 2 cloves of garlic, 1 tbl. molasses, 1 bay leaf, 1 tbl. rosemary, 1 tsp. ea. of salt, honey, oregano, basil, and fennel. Simmer 1 1/2 hours.
Placenta Stew: Meat of 3/4 placenta in bite size chunks, 1 potato (cubed), 1/4 cup fresh parsley, 2 carrots, 3 ribs celery, 1 zucchini, 1 large tomato, 1 small onion. Dredge meat in 1 tbl. flour mixed with 1 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp. paprika, pinch of cloves, pinch of pepper, 6-8 crushed coriander seeds. Saute meat in 2 tbl. oil, then add vegetables (cut up) and 4-5 cups of water. Bring to full boil, then simmer for 1 hour.
Placenta Pizza: Grind placenta. Saute in 2 tbl. olive oil with 4 garlic cloves, then add 1/4 tsp fennel, 1/4 tsp. pepper, 1/4 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp. salt, 1/2 tsp. oregano, 1/4 tsp. thyme, and 1/4 cup of wine. Allow to stand for 30 minutes, then use with your favorite home made pizza recipe. It's a fine placenta sausage topping.
Monday, October 21, 2002
WATER
*75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. ( Likely applies to half of world population)
* In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak it is often mistaken for hunger.
* Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
* One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
* Lack of water is the number one trigger of daytime fatigue.
* Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain, for up to 80% of sufferers.
* A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focussing on the computer screen or printed page.
* Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Are you drinking the amount of water you should a day??!!
COKE
* In many states in the US, the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
* You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
* To clean a toilet: pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "Real Thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
* To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled up piece of aluminum foil dipped in Coke.
* To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
* To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola for a few minutes and loosen.
* To bake a moist ham: Empty half a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in tin foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the dripping to mix with the Coke to make a delicious gravy.
* To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent and run through a regular cycle. The Coke will help loosen grease.
* Coke will clean the road haze from your windscreen.
* This is very interesting. Check it out. For your information: the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It's PH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and it is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
* To carry Coca-cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the hazardous material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
* The distributers of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years.
Now the question is.....would you like a glass of water or coke?!
Thanks to Doug Allen
*75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. ( Likely applies to half of world population)
* In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak it is often mistaken for hunger.
* Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
* One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
* Lack of water is the number one trigger of daytime fatigue.
* Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain, for up to 80% of sufferers.
* A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focussing on the computer screen or printed page.
* Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Are you drinking the amount of water you should a day??!!
COKE
* In many states in the US, the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
* You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
* To clean a toilet: pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "Real Thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
* To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled up piece of aluminum foil dipped in Coke.
* To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
* To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola for a few minutes and loosen.
* To bake a moist ham: Empty half a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in tin foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the dripping to mix with the Coke to make a delicious gravy.
* To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent and run through a regular cycle. The Coke will help loosen grease.
* Coke will clean the road haze from your windscreen.
* This is very interesting. Check it out. For your information: the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It's PH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and it is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
* To carry Coca-cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the hazardous material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
* The distributers of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years.
Now the question is.....would you like a glass of water or coke?!
Thanks to Doug Allen
Friday, October 18, 2002
Pen spinning apparently has quite a following in Japan. Have a look at this wesbite which has a number of amazing movie clips for you to look at (Don't worry the clips are small but pretty cool to watch).
Are they cheating on you?? Not sure? Then you need 
Are you worried that your children are having
sex with somene you don't know about? Is your
partner cheating on you? Worry no more. For a
modest fee, this company will go through their
smalls and check for traces of the sticky stuff
Forensex laboratories corp, catchy name...
Are you worried that your children are having
sex with somene you don't know about? Is your
partner cheating on you? Worry no more. For a
modest fee, this company will go through their
smalls and check for traces of the sticky stuff
Forensex laboratories corp, catchy name...
Freestyle Wheelbarrow Stunts
Its amazing what you can do with a wheelbarrow and the video is worth a watch. Although New Zealand DB Export drinkers have been doing it for years
Its amazing what you can do with a wheelbarrow and the video is worth a watch. Although New Zealand DB Export drinkers have been doing it for years
'Why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?'
Independent 15 October 2002
A most extraordinary trial is going on in the High Court at the moment in which a man named Chrysler is accused of stealing more than 40,000 coat hangers from hotels round the world. He admits his guilt, but in his defence he claims that – well, perhaps it would be simpler just to bring you a brief extract from the trial. We join the case at the point where Chrysler has just taken the stand. Here
Thanks to Simon Elms for passing this one on
p.s. I would just like to add that when you look for a picture of a wire coathanger on google, BT comes back with the following message "The page you are accessing is categorised as 'Sex', and blocked from the BT Intranet" Sinister....
Independent 15 October 2002
A most extraordinary trial is going on in the High Court at the moment in which a man named Chrysler is accused of stealing more than 40,000 coat hangers from hotels round the world. He admits his guilt, but in his defence he claims that – well, perhaps it would be simpler just to bring you a brief extract from the trial. We join the case at the point where Chrysler has just taken the stand. Here
Thanks to Simon Elms for passing this one on
p.s. I would just like to add that when you look for a picture of a wire coathanger on google, BT comes back with the following message "The page you are accessing is categorised as 'Sex', and blocked from the BT Intranet" Sinister....
This is crap… literally
Now I'm not one to normally indulge in toilet humour but this website does remind me of an exercise a colleague and myself did in my first contracting job. We worked out that the time it took us to go and get a Coke from the Coke machine, based on our hourly rate (oh those were the days), meant that the drink actually paid for itself! I'm sure this website has other uses, like I just worked out that publishing this entry would have cost my employer £2.22 had it been during my work time.
Thursday, October 17, 2002
BEWARE THE HAIRY CHEESE.
Another weird eBay auction, this time to win the right to represent these traumatised (former) cheese-lovers in their impending lawsuit against the manufacturers of said cheese stick. Sound weird? It's really quite funny and best if you read it yourself here
Another weird eBay auction, this time to win the right to represent these traumatised (former) cheese-lovers in their impending lawsuit against the manufacturers of said cheese stick. Sound weird? It's really quite funny and best if you read it yourself here
Random piece of scientific twaddle:
Nuclear reactors as a naturally occuring phenomenon. Yes once upon a time, parts of the countryside would randomly erupt in a massive nuclear explosion. Talk about "dammed if you do and dammed if you don't"
Nuclear reactors as a naturally occuring phenomenon. Yes once upon a time, parts of the countryside would randomly erupt in a massive nuclear explosion. Talk about "dammed if you do and dammed if you don't"
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
Apple Scores Product Placement Deal For The Two Towers.
Making the most of the company's Hollywood connections, Apple has scored a major deal with New Line Cinema for product placement in the next movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Two Towers. Product placement is the practice of inserting a company's products into a movie, leveraging the medium to increase brand awareness.
According to a source at New Line who wished to remain anonymous, Apple's products will be seen in at least three scenes.
"Apple was adamant that it wanted the good guys to be using its products," the source said, "They said 'No orcs, no Nazgûl, no Gollum, and no big flamin' eye.' They specifically asked for 'Aragorn, Gandalf and that bad-assed elf dude with the bow.' And they paid handsomely for the privilege."
Movie-goers can expect to see Apple products in the following three scenes:
- When the knights of Rohan surround Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, each of the three calmly removes their white earbuds and puts away a 20 GB, 10 GB and 5 GB iPod, respectively.
- Upon Gandalf's stunning return as Gandalf the White, a 14" iBook can clearly be seen tucked under his arm.
- In a brief scene after the company convinces King Théoden to fight the forces of Saruman, the decree for civilians to take to the hills is written up on a 17" iMac.
Director Peter Jackson shrugged off complaints that the juxtaposition of computer equipment into the Medieval world of Middle-Earth was a bastardization of author J.R.R. Tolkien's vision.
"There's nothing in the text to indicate the company are not listening to their iPods when the Riddermark rides up," Jackson said. "Besides, do you have any idea how much Apple are paying for this?!"
"I could do The Hobbit and the first few chapters of The Silmarillion on it. I mean... wow."
Further, sources indicate that Apple products will also appear in scenes that will be included on the extended DVD version of the movie, expected to be released a year from now. In one, Elrond details the history of Middle-Earth using an iPhoto slide show and in another Galadriel delivers a 10-minute monologue on how to configure an Airport Base Station.
Making the most of the company's Hollywood connections, Apple has scored a major deal with New Line Cinema for product placement in the next movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Two Towers. Product placement is the practice of inserting a company's products into a movie, leveraging the medium to increase brand awareness.
According to a source at New Line who wished to remain anonymous, Apple's products will be seen in at least three scenes.
"Apple was adamant that it wanted the good guys to be using its products," the source said, "They said 'No orcs, no Nazgûl, no Gollum, and no big flamin' eye.' They specifically asked for 'Aragorn, Gandalf and that bad-assed elf dude with the bow.' And they paid handsomely for the privilege."
Movie-goers can expect to see Apple products in the following three scenes:
- When the knights of Rohan surround Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, each of the three calmly removes their white earbuds and puts away a 20 GB, 10 GB and 5 GB iPod, respectively.
- Upon Gandalf's stunning return as Gandalf the White, a 14" iBook can clearly be seen tucked under his arm.
- In a brief scene after the company convinces King Théoden to fight the forces of Saruman, the decree for civilians to take to the hills is written up on a 17" iMac.
Director Peter Jackson shrugged off complaints that the juxtaposition of computer equipment into the Medieval world of Middle-Earth was a bastardization of author J.R.R. Tolkien's vision.
"There's nothing in the text to indicate the company are not listening to their iPods when the Riddermark rides up," Jackson said. "Besides, do you have any idea how much Apple are paying for this?!"
"I could do The Hobbit and the first few chapters of The Silmarillion on it. I mean... wow."
Further, sources indicate that Apple products will also appear in scenes that will be included on the extended DVD version of the movie, expected to be released a year from now. In one, Elrond details the history of Middle-Earth using an iPhoto slide show and in another Galadriel delivers a 10-minute monologue on how to configure an Airport Base Station.
Monday, October 14, 2002
The secrets of a winning internet brand
use eNormicom to find that killer company name, logo and catchphrase.
I love the way this engine 'runs it up the flagpole' with its focus group...
use eNormicom to find that killer company name, logo and catchphrase.
I love the way this engine 'runs it up the flagpole' with its focus group...
What am I?
I have the following features:
TV - Watch television on a brilliant 15.1" digital LCD monitor with remote control
Audio - Play music from hi-fi speakers and download MP3s or play radio from the Internet
Internet - Full functionality for e-mailing or web surfing
Photo Album - Take pictures with a built-in digital camera, then save or e-mail them
Messages - Instantly leave messages for family in text (via keyboard or electronic pen), video, or audio
Calendar - Keep track of birthdays, anniversaries, and after school activities
Cooking - Organize favorite recipes or surf for new ones on the Internet
Management - Self-diagnostics detects and informs you of malfunctioning components
Stored Food - Keep track of stored foods and monitor expiration dates
and I weigh 356lbs
Hang on a minute - Stored Food???
Yes, I am a Fridge. The LG Multi-media fridge. Do you find yourself 'always in the kitchen at parties'? Well now you can hang out with your fellow cyber nerds, all stuck in the kitchens of parties around the world ICQ'ing oneanother in the real world of the internet where no one knows about your hairy palms and body odour, rather than partying in 'realtime'. yeh....
I have the following features:
TV - Watch television on a brilliant 15.1" digital LCD monitor with remote control
Audio - Play music from hi-fi speakers and download MP3s or play radio from the Internet
Internet - Full functionality for e-mailing or web surfing
Photo Album - Take pictures with a built-in digital camera, then save or e-mail them
Messages - Instantly leave messages for family in text (via keyboard or electronic pen), video, or audio
Calendar - Keep track of birthdays, anniversaries, and after school activities
Cooking - Organize favorite recipes or surf for new ones on the Internet
Management - Self-diagnostics detects and informs you of malfunctioning components
Stored Food - Keep track of stored foods and monitor expiration dates
and I weigh 356lbs
Hang on a minute - Stored Food???
Yes, I am a Fridge. The LG Multi-media fridge. Do you find yourself 'always in the kitchen at parties'? Well now you can hang out with your fellow cyber nerds, all stuck in the kitchens of parties around the world ICQ'ing oneanother in the real world of the internet where no one knows about your hairy palms and body odour, rather than partying in 'realtime'. yeh....
Friday, October 11, 2002
Childhood beliefs
This is an excellent website about the weird things people told you, and you believed, when you were a child.
Food
"If you don't eat Potato Croquettes in under 1 minute they explode."
"You get poisoned if you eat ice cream from an ice cream van with "dirty" (i.e. black) wheels."
"I used to believe that the Mr Whippy van played the Greensleeves music when he had sold out of all the icecream! My father was such a cheap bast*rd."
Geography
"A friend told me (and I didn't totally disbelieve him either) that when you go in an aeroplane on holiday, the plane just flies around and around in the sky, while the people on the ground change the scenery and the temperature. The more complicated the change, the longer you stayed in the sky (which is why places like Japan take so long to get to). Then, when the people on the ground were finished, you would land back at the same place, but never know the difference!"
Toilets, fear of
"I used to have to get back to my bedroom before the toilet finished flushing"
Religion
"At sunday school we were shown an illustrated children's book about "the Prodigal son". He was wearing a "dress" so for a while I thought that "prodigal" meant transvestite and that was why he had to leave his family, but in the end they decided to accept him..."
This is an excellent website about the weird things people told you, and you believed, when you were a child.
Food
"If you don't eat Potato Croquettes in under 1 minute they explode."
"You get poisoned if you eat ice cream from an ice cream van with "dirty" (i.e. black) wheels."
"I used to believe that the Mr Whippy van played the Greensleeves music when he had sold out of all the icecream! My father was such a cheap bast*rd."
Geography
"A friend told me (and I didn't totally disbelieve him either) that when you go in an aeroplane on holiday, the plane just flies around and around in the sky, while the people on the ground change the scenery and the temperature. The more complicated the change, the longer you stayed in the sky (which is why places like Japan take so long to get to). Then, when the people on the ground were finished, you would land back at the same place, but never know the difference!"
Toilets, fear of
"I used to have to get back to my bedroom before the toilet finished flushing"
Religion
"At sunday school we were shown an illustrated children's book about "the Prodigal son". He was wearing a "dress" so for a while I thought that "prodigal" meant transvestite and that was why he had to leave his family, but in the end they decided to accept him..."
Geek dies after playing computer games for 86 hours non stop One less to not bother with showering, but does he have another two lives left?
Bart Simpson's Blackbroad Wisdom from all the episodes in one handy website for you to read.
[Credit due to http://EndsoftheEarth.blogspot.com]
A Paper Aeroplane Simulator.... handy
Try it, go on, you know you want to...
[ I managed 78ft after a couple of goes. Use the 'Rate_it' thingy under this post to record you best distance]
OK this week's LATERAL CONCEPT award goes to High Lift Systems who actually have funding from NASA to investigate a Space Elevator. This baby works by having a satellite at the other end of the line orbiting the earth (in a geostationary orbit, ohh err) acting as a massive counterweight, whilst vehicles shimmy up and down a huge carbon ribbon powered light panels energised by a huge (fricking) "laser" beam shot from earth. And you thought the escalator at Angel Tube was long....
Thursday, October 10, 2002
56 Questions Ask Jeeves Can't Answer
01 How fast am I going?
02 What's the point?
03 Is there a God?
04 Where does the time go?
05 Are you Jeeves?
06 Could you lay out my morning suit and tell my aunts Betty and Jemimah that I will join them in the drawing room?
07 Why can't I stop crying?
08 Which witch is which?
09 Are you going out dressed like that?
10 Is there something you want to tell me?
11 Who'd have thought it?
12 Know what I mean?
13 What number am I thinking of?
14 Are we there yet?
15 Who's your daddy?
16 Why has my nan got hairy cheeks?
17 Where did I leave my car keys?
18 Isn't she lovely?
19 Where's our next round of funding going to come from?
some more questions the old boy has trouble with:
21 Does my bum look big in this?
22 Is that it?
23 What did I miss?
24 What the f*ck?
25 What is the melting point of people?
26 You wana piece of me?
27 Can you tell what it is yet?
28 Wazzzzzzzzzzzzuppppppppppppppppppppp?
29 What the hell am I doing here?
30 Can you hear me?
31 Why do birds...suddenly appear...everytime... you are near?
32 You startin?
33 How long is a piece of string?
34 How soon is now?
35 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
even more queries the duffer chokes on:
36 Are we alone?
37 Whatever happened to white dog turds?
38 I'm in the bath - can you get the door for me?
39 How do you like it, big boy?
40 Are we there yet?
41 Is there someone else?
42 Why didn't you call?
43 What are you like?
44 Who gives the Queen a birthday card on her 100th birthday?
45 Who ate all the pies?
46 Is there something in my teeth?
yet more poser the antiquated home help fails to respond to:
47 Come here often?
48 What is the best site on the Internet?
49 Who made heaven a place on Earth?
50 How can you sleep at night?
51 Whatchoo talkin bout Jeeves?
52 If the same dog goes down to the same beach and collects the same amount of golf balls, how many ships does it see?
53 Is there chicken in chickpeas?
54 Why is Kentish town so-called when it's in north London, not Kent?
55 You wouldn't would you?
56 Is it me or is it hot in here?
Romanian sick of democracy applies for asylum in Iraq
A Romanian man who lived most of his life under Nicolae Ceaucescu says he hates living in a democracy and has asked for asylum in Iraq.
Constantin Simion, 52, from Campineanca, told the National newspaper that he's applied for asylum in Iraq because he is "sick of the injustice of democracy".
He says the Communist controlled factory where he had worked for 17 years had been closed under democracy and since then everything had gone "downhill".
He has already contacted the Iraqi embassy in Bucharest about an asylum application, he said.
"I cannot wait to become one of Saddam's people. I want to leave for Iraq, but if Iraq says no, then I'll try my luck with Libya or Cuba - anything that is a totalitarian regime. I am sick of the injustice of democracy," he said.
A Romanian man who lived most of his life under Nicolae Ceaucescu says he hates living in a democracy and has asked for asylum in Iraq.
Constantin Simion, 52, from Campineanca, told the National newspaper that he's applied for asylum in Iraq because he is "sick of the injustice of democracy".
He says the Communist controlled factory where he had worked for 17 years had been closed under democracy and since then everything had gone "downhill".
He has already contacted the Iraqi embassy in Bucharest about an asylum application, he said.
"I cannot wait to become one of Saddam's people. I want to leave for Iraq, but if Iraq says no, then I'll try my luck with Libya or Cuba - anything that is a totalitarian regime. I am sick of the injustice of democracy," he said.
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
Rub my Ducky!!
I found a website that was commenting about this little bath accessory - right up there with the Harry Potter Vibrating Broom Stick
Friday, October 04, 2002
Rob's Friday Afternoon Weird Website Patrol is on holiday again this week as Rob is still reeling from becoming a father for the first time. So please amuse youselves with something else for another week (nothing that makes you go blind or grows hair on your palms mind) and we will resume normal transmission shortly...
p.s. You can always look at baby pictures at http://www.btinternet.com/~Lewis_Gourdie/Website/
p.s. You can always look at baby pictures at http://www.btinternet.com/~Lewis_Gourdie/Website/
Thursday, September 26, 2002
Amusing UK Place Names
Some of this is vintage funny and had me in stitches. Each place name has a link to a map identifying its location.
Some of this is vintage funny and had me in stitches. Each place name has a link to a map identifying its location.
Friday, September 20, 2002
Make a Moon
Ok this is the official cool game of the week. Move and click your mouse on the screen and launch a little meteriorite. The aim is to see if you can create an orbiting moon. ....or you can just have fun bombarding the Earth with tiny meteriorites.
Ok this is the official cool game of the week. Move and click your mouse on the screen and launch a little meteriorite. The aim is to see if you can create an orbiting moon. ....or you can just have fun bombarding the Earth with tiny meteriorites.
I don't know why I do it, but I've started hunting out the most ridiculous dog fanciers websites. Try as I might you can't go past the sick sick people who own maltese dogs... they should be all lined up against a wall and have their internet connections taken away from them.
Here's just a few
Evil little snarlers
Walking door mats
Satanic Canines
Be afraid, be very afraid....
Here's just a few
Evil little snarlers
Walking door mats
Satanic Canines
Be afraid, be very afraid....
So what does happen to all those ridiculous butter scultpures that chefs create? They get sold on eBay of course. I like the uses they found for this one.
Top 10 Things to do with a 50-pound butter PDA
10. Message & track incredibly large butter-sculpted
mobile workers, field service vehicles
9. Justification for extreme refrigeration of all
Best Buy stores
8. Beaming butter business card to fellow techies
at networking events
7. Show up techies that purchased the Claudia
Schiffer edition Palm V
6. Reading butter-Palm compatible book titles during
long commute home
5. Highly unusual tech support call to Palm: "You
say your PDA is melting?"
4. Healthy Midwestern snack that melts in your mouth
not in your Palm
3. Cinnamon toast, lots of cinnamon toast
2. Freeze & deliver to Palm CEO, Carl Yankowski in
Christmas gift basket
1. Allow cows to manage busy schedule of milking,
grazing, sleeping
Top 10 Things to do with a 50-pound butter PDA
10. Message & track incredibly large butter-sculpted
mobile workers, field service vehicles
9. Justification for extreme refrigeration of all
Best Buy stores
8. Beaming butter business card to fellow techies
at networking events
7. Show up techies that purchased the Claudia
Schiffer edition Palm V
6. Reading butter-Palm compatible book titles during
long commute home
5. Highly unusual tech support call to Palm: "You
say your PDA is melting?"
4. Healthy Midwestern snack that melts in your mouth
not in your Palm
3. Cinnamon toast, lots of cinnamon toast
2. Freeze & deliver to Palm CEO, Carl Yankowski in
Christmas gift basket
1. Allow cows to manage busy schedule of milking,
grazing, sleeping
eBay advertisement for USAF HUGHES AIM-4D FALCON MISSILE REAL THING goes on to mention that it is 'disarmed no warhead' Damn, they go get your hopes up... but they do say What a great conversation piece this will make!!!. I can just imagine that conversations you friends will have with this in the middle of your lounge...
Do you want MORE POWER? Do you have a city that is running a little dim? Then on eBay you can pick up a 948 MEGAWATT Power Generator
Be the envy of your friends......
Make you cat's fur stand on end......
Microwave your food without a microwave.....
Be the envy of your friends......
Make you cat's fur stand on end......
Microwave your food without a microwave.....
I think someone may be onto a winner here. Got a drug test coming up? Worried about the spliff you skinned up after dinner last night? Go to eBay and buy drug free urine Why do I think that this person may actually be making some money from this one?
Heh you wanna buy your very own ELIAN GONZALEZ Yes that's right, that little Cuban boatboy who was taken at gunpoint by Federal Agents, only on eBay
I collect Bricks I do
Have you heard of the British Brick Society? No? I think that's a good thing....
I like the bit in their membership application form
My special interests in brick, to be noted in the Society's Membership List * are:
.......................................................................................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................................................
Have you heard of the British Brick Society? No? I think that's a good thing....
I like the bit in their membership application form
My special interests in brick, to be noted in the Society's Membership List * are:
.......................................................................................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................................................
Friday, September 13, 2002
Hollow Earth Expedition Not Buried Yet
It sounds like a whole lot of nonsense but a California man is almost ready to prove there's a giant hole connecting the North and South Poles.
Next May, Hollow Earth researcher Dallas Thompson is planning to travel from the Arctic to the Antarctic by way of the hole
It sounds like a whole lot of nonsense but a California man is almost ready to prove there's a giant hole connecting the North and South Poles.
Next May, Hollow Earth researcher Dallas Thompson is planning to travel from the Arctic to the Antarctic by way of the hole
Police charge man over sex with traffic cone
A MAN caught performing an indecent act on a traffic cone has been charged by police.
The 33-year-old has been charged with breach of the peace after police received reports that the man was engaging in a sexual act with the cone at the bottom of Calton Hill on Tuesday night. Alarmed passers-by called police and said they had seen a man trying to have sex with a traffic cone.
Officers from Gayfield police station attended and found the 33-year-old committing the offence.
A police spokesman confirmed police had been called to an incident at Calton Road on Tuesday evening and said a report has been submitted to the procurator fiscal.
The area around Calton Hill has caused controversy in recent years after becoming notorious as a venue for open air sex.
Residents’ groups, councillors and health activists have joined calls for people to have more respect for the area.
A MAN caught performing an indecent act on a traffic cone has been charged by police.
The 33-year-old has been charged with breach of the peace after police received reports that the man was engaging in a sexual act with the cone at the bottom of Calton Hill on Tuesday night. Alarmed passers-by called police and said they had seen a man trying to have sex with a traffic cone.
Officers from Gayfield police station attended and found the 33-year-old committing the offence.
A police spokesman confirmed police had been called to an incident at Calton Road on Tuesday evening and said a report has been submitted to the procurator fiscal.
The area around Calton Hill has caused controversy in recent years after becoming notorious as a venue for open air sex.
Residents’ groups, councillors and health activists have joined calls for people to have more respect for the area.
"Using self love to end conflict" Yes you read correctly this website has adopted a novel approach to world peace.
Some of their catchy slogans include
No arms for war, just hands for peace
Hairy palms against dropping bombs
and my favourite
Solve global issues with a tissue
[I would also like to say for the record that I found this website via another news site on weird stuff and not through any personal searches... honest!]
There is actually a "sport" in America that rivals trainspotting in the UK... its Cup Stacking and these guys are really really serious
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